Tag Archives: starbucks

Minor irritations of the day

 – WordPress makes you sign in with the phrase, ‘Already hip?’ So I don’t get the option to declare myself un-hip and still blog. 

– Lucas pooed his nappy 40 minutes before bedtime. This means wasting a nappy if I change him, or taking my chances with bottom rash if I don’t. Guess which I went for?

– Everyday I see Starbucks smug newspaper ads showing off their Fair Trade credentials, but we all know they’ve been Unfair Trade for years longer than everybody else.

– Maggie in the Simpsons is an unrealistic baby, she never whines, or makes a mess, or tries to climb up your leg while you’re cooking an omelette.

– Barclays rang me today asking if I was worried about my savings in the current financial crisis. I wasn’t worried. Now I’m thinking there must be a problem…

– Amy is into ‘GoGos,’ small pieces of minimally moulded plastic which come with stickers to collect to fill an album. I get the impression the marketeers have researched eight year old’s brains to extract maximum pocket money from their collecting frenzy. I just let her get on with it.

– My mum tied her bright pink dressing gown belt to our cupboard so that Lucas wouldn’t pull everything out. I don’t like her silly pink belt on display in my living room.  I don’t have a better plan.

– My *busband is busy at work and I’m bored and lonely and can’t think of anything better to do than blog.

– Our beer is just past it’s ‘Best before’ date so I have to drink it knowing it was better before. And although it’s substandard I have to drink it all quick before it gets any worse.

– I don’t like writing grumpy posts when I’m a bit pissed on past-it’s-date beer.

* boyfriend/husband

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The magic of mashed up fruit

I used to like Innocent Smoothies. I suppose I still do, they do taste nice. But I wonder how much of my love for the yummy mushed fruit drink is due to their hippy-happy what-a-lovely-company hype? They surely must be holier-than-nice because they have a pretty website that tells us so! And of course it’s not that they’ve made zillions of quids selling £1.89 fruity drinks to people like me and can afford a pretty website to promote their sunny fun filled image. I almost long for a credit crunch to see if their new Smoothie of the Month flavour might be leftover carrot top and scaped out baked beans priced at only 89p!

Fruit is the ultimate feel good food. It’s pure. It grows on trees for goodness sake. Don’t trees save the planet? Surely it follows that drinking fruit smoothies will make us healthy, happy and wise? Or maybe it will just make us smug?

Now Starbucks are in on the act. On the back page of the Guardian* the is Starbucks ‘Proposal for a well-lived day’.

‘Spend a whole day in real life.’ The coffee company advises us, ‘Television can be satisfying. Particularly when our Real Days Leave us too run down to do anything but Zone Out. But what if they didn’t?’

Hmm, pray tell Mr.Coffee Corporation, what must us poor zoned out telly addicts do..?

‘What if we had some magical energy that let us soar into the evening, as sharp as we were at midday?’

Starbucks Vivano Nourishing Blends have 11 grams of protein, a whole fresh banana and real fruit juice…’

There’s more, much more, but it’s hard work typing it out and double checking exactly where I need to use Caps Lock. But this ad says that if you drink this fruit-full drink, ‘Your brain might produce this exact thought:  “Why am I watching made-up people’s lives when I’ve got my own Real Life right here in front of me?”

Oh yes, this drink makes you think. And not just to wonder who came up with a brand name that sounds a bit like the made-up word Vic Reeves used to use on Shooting Stars. I have no magic fruit to help energise me but my brain produces this exact thought: “Why am I reading this made-up marketing rubbish when I could be drinking beer and using its magical energies to watch some crappy TV that’s good for a laugh?” Yeah Starbucks, ‘How great days are made!”

Who are Starbucks to tell me, with their weird capitilisation, that I ought to drink some holy fruit beverage containing just 157 calories, and not waste My Life watching TV?  Yes, ‘My Life’ was capitilised.

When Starbucks run their next TV campaign I hope they play fair and include a disclaimer over their  expensive marketing air time,  it should say, ‘Hey loser! This isn’t Real Life’.

 

* Yes, of course I read the Guardian.

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